No one is an island. All of us need to interact with thousands of different persons as we navigate through life. Over time, we develop multiple relationships which fall into 3 broad categories – key, routine and don’t care. Key==Important to you, while Routine==acquaintances and don’t care does not need a definition

I have always cared about all my key relationships. I stay invested in them and I nurture them for our mutual benefit. The keyword here is ‘mutual’. Every relationship has to have ‘give and take’ transactions, and must be valued by both the ends. For me, my key relationships include my spouse, my immediate and extended family, my childhood friends, selected work colleagues, and a few other special individuals. In our social context, everyone needs key relationships which are long-lasting and semi-permanent. They are our support systems and provide a symbiotic structure to survive the ups and downs of life. Even a key relationship, often times will become strained. When that happens – remember never cut a knot which you can untie, however difficult.

Most people have far more routine relationships than key ones. These would be our work colleagues, neighbors, postman, folks from your local community, any organizations you may belong to, etc. I do not invest a lot of my effort in most of my routine relationships. For me, they are a part of our existence. I tolerate them, under the directive – live-and-let live. Often times, a routine relationship may evolve to a key one.

The final don’t care category is the rest of the world…. Not that we have any meaningful relationships with the rest of the world. We just don’t know the 7+ billion folks who co-exist, with us on our planet earth. You may cross the road with them, stand in the same line at the supermarket, etc. and not even notice them. Of course, I do care for them at the human level, and will get involved to help. They will also include for example, the person who cut you off on the road, someone who disrespected you in some way. In all such cases, since they are in the don’t care category – I choose to neglect them.

I have built a firewall around me to protect myself from routine and don’t care relationships, ever hurting me. In principle, they do not mean as much to me (routine) or not at all (don’t care) …. So they cannot hurt me in any way. This changes completely, for my key relationships, who are within my firewall. I care deeply for these relationships and hence can cause hurt to them, or be hurt myself. This approach, is my self-preservation response to deal with hurt in relationships.

I am a big believer in the concept of the invisible aura that surrounds everyone. When we come across somebody we have never met, our auras are the first to interact, even before a single word is exchanged. How often have you instantly had a liking/dislike for someone, you have not yet met or known? When in the same vicinity, our auras interact and we develop a hi-level Yae/Nae decision on whether we want to associate with them. Bulk of the times, it is this instinctive response (gut feeling) that is driven by our internal self-preservation instinct.

Choose your key relationships carefully, they will be an integral part of your life forever. Internalize your response to the routine and don’t care groups and don’t let them ever hurt you.

What do you think?