I will ask a rhetorical question – What position would you like to be in. Respecting someone or Fearing someone?

Clearly, we associate Respect with good, positive feelings and emotions, while Fear always invokes bad, negative feelings. Who would ever want to be in a position where they fear someone.

This discussion relates to people around you…. Think of people within your Circles of Life, or Key/Routine Relationships …. who are Authority figures, and in some way exert direct or indirect control over you and your feelings. Put them in two categories – those you feel a genuine respect for and those who you fear/dislike, for whatever reason.

Consider the people in the ‘genuine respect’ group. The folks here have some key characteristic that you cherish. They either are extremely knowledgeable, treat you with respect, are good listeners, are just nice…. For whatever reason, you want to be around them, emulate them and want to interact with them. You derive good karma, just relating to them and after every transaction ‘feel good’.

Now consider the ‘fear/dislike’ group. Fear may be a strong word here. These are folks, you would rather avoid at work or in your life. They are generally very dominating, poor listeners; often have a grandiose notion of their importance. People who operate from this mode are often stuck in their dominating Parent Ego state. They force others to be in their Child Ego states so they may control them through fear and authority.

Now let us view this from a different perspective. You are a person in authority, and you have to deal with lots of people (mainly in a controlling mode). Are you a Respected, OR, a Feared leader? Even if you are not directly controlling everyone, you may be their guide/captain/leader – someone, whom others look to for direction. Remember that if someone respects your title and not your intrinsic person – it is short term and not persistent. True respect for any individual, transcends the barriers of time and societal positions. Either way, short-term or long term respect is always better than fear. A Feared leader can never be respected. I would rather take the short term (conditional) respect from folks, than deal with them in a state of fear, which is counter productive.

I am by no ways advocating that as a leader, you should never be feared. If you are a Respected leader, you have earned the brownie points, to use the stick occasionally as required. In your leadership role, you cannot be nice to everyone, all the time. Often times you have to ‘demand’ some deliverable/behavior. A Respected leader will never have a problem doing this, as their team believes in them.

Oftentimes, wrong people are placed into authority positions. Such people believe that their title ‘entitles’ them to be respected by others. Little do they realize that respect has to be earned, and is not derived automatically by being in a leadership position. (A very recent example, is our new POTUS). You may not have the option to ‘avoid’ such people, as one of them may be your manager. What does one do, when they find themselves in such an untenable position? Often, we have to play the cards; we have been dealt – as best as we can. If you are in such a position – long term, you have to get out of it. Short term, you have to deal with it.  Never let such leaders get to your emotions. Keep the interactions at the professional level.

Therefore, everyone who is a manager, or aspires to be a manager – remember that your title does not entitle you to anything, other than the extra dollars. You will have to demonstrate that you deserve their respect. Your employee pool needs to see you operate as a leader, who respects everyone and leads by example. If your operating style happens to be the use of a ‘stick’ all the time – remember you are living in a glass house. What goes around comes around and bad karma has never worked for anyone.