I am forever, an optimist. Rather, I would say I am a realist optimist. I believe that most unexpected ‘stuff’ always happens for a reason. So, our first thought is – Why did this happen? We tend to look at the dark clouds and forget that there is always a silver lining. You must believe it is there and also look for it. So, to some extent – it is in the eyes of the beholder. I am always looking for whatever good can come out of any current situation, however unpleasant or dire it may be.

So, let me cut to the chase. Who would have imagined when 2020 dawned on us, that before Q-1 would be over our whole way of life, our ‘normal’, would become totally abnormal and we would be prisoners in our own homes. As the stock market reached towards the skies, no one would have ever thought in their wildest dreams that so many of us would lose our jobs, and others would have to stay-at-home and work. Our children would suddenly have to ‘grow up’. Leave their playful spirits aside and turn to on-line schooling, wear face masks, and practice safe distancing. I cannot imagine the state of our society, our lifestyles, and what we will emerge to, at the end of this long dark tunnel.

It has now been 6+ weeks for most of us, operating in this era of social dislocation. Despite all the darkness and feelings of helplessness and despair – there have been several positive outcomes– the silver lining. Some examples follow:

  1. Families have moved closer together: My reference is not just to the basic family unit. It is the extended family system that has moved closer – despite the social distancing.
    1. Grown-up, married kids are reaching out far more often, in some cases daily, versus the holiday/birthday/anniversary times of getting in touch, with their parents. Children worry about their elder parents far more, now. Good health was something we took for granted. It is a good, warm feeling to be cared for. My adult kids call me often – sometimes twice a day – without needing a reason, just to share. We play online games – something we would never ever even of thought of earlier, as being so enjoyable. Suddenly everyone seems to understand the true meaning of the words “I love you / I miss you”. The words have lost their veneer of plasticity and are warm and alive. We are enjoying this increased level of contact and perhaps may yearn for it later – when our abnormal returns to normalcy.
    2. In other cases, college children have returned home, and suddenly empty nests are chirping around with semi-adult kids. The Thanksgiving and winter break visits have changed to full-time, at homestays. Yes, there is a lot of adjustment to be made by all. Individual schedules must be adjusted, even compromised and personal spaces shred. Bottom line – suddenly parents are spending a lot more time with their grown-up kids. Their children, who had already put one foot out of their homes – getting ready to step out and take on the world. Parents are making new friends with their adult kids and new lifelong relationships are emerging. There is a lot more talking and listening going on, inside all homes.
    3. For families with younger kids, the siblings are forming strong bonds – as they re-adjust to fun and play, without their school friends. Suddenly they are spending all their waking hours together. In cases where they are the only child at home – they miss out on key ‘social growth’ with peer children in school – being alone at home. Parents have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, to spend so much time being so close to their children in their early formative years. Breakfast to dinner time – they are all together and the relationships forged now will last a lifetime.
  2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder: The Roman poet Sextus is credited with the original version of this proverb. I have personally felt this quite strongly, over the last 6 weeks. When one can have something very freely – they take it for granted and do not appreciate it. As soon as it is taken away from them – they yearn for it and cannot do without it. We miss our kids and grandkids to the point of hurting. This also extends to my multiple Circles of Life (earlier blog listing) – all my good friends and work colleagues. Folks I ran into, sometimes from multiple times a day, to weekly/monthly – have just gone away. I think of several of them often. When this happens – I might shoot off a text message or a quick call to ‘stay in touch’. How often, have I just sent off a ‘touch base message – take care and stay safe’. Receiving their response – re-affirms that my Circle of Life is still intact. Safe distancing has clearly got some of us closer than before. Our isolation makes the need for social contact – suddenly a ‘must-have’.
  3. Re-assessment of personal priorities: Working from home, may have sounded as a fun thing to do, occasionally, in our past normal times. But working from home, all the time is not the same. It has opened up free time slots to most of us – which at work would have been easily consumed. I for one have used this ‘quiet time’ to review and re-assess my life priorities. In some cases, I have made new decisions on, what is more important to me. Given the past normal way of life where we just worked and worked and worked, and everything around us appeared as a haze; this new abnormal has applied the brakes and slowed us down enough, to sharpen our focus and appreciate all the beautiful things life offers us. So, re-discover your personal passions and reset your life course to intersect with them, and not bypass them.
  4. Essential Services/People Appreciation: All of us have started noticing a range of people/roles – who provide the most essential services, we take for granted. Folks who have made our voluntary ‘prison at home’ experience livable. Without them, we could not have survived. From the mailman to the schoolteachers, thrash pick-up trucks, take-out restaurant staff, truck drivers, grocery/pharmacy/bank staff, and of course the health care nursing staff – a host of folks, who behind the scenes, support us. They have been there all along, taking care of a lot of life comforts, we take for granted. Most of us who are salaried workers and have no trouble WFH, – realize and appreciate the larger number of our fellow citizens who are struggling and need to be helped and recognized.

At some point, this will end. The way it ends and the state in which we emerge from this dark unforgiving storm – will be different for all of us. Very few of us will emerge unscathed. Most of us will be changed forever, due to personal misfortunes or the deep impact this has had on our psyche. Humankind has survived through several darker times than this. As we look up and see just darkness and gloom – lookout for that bright silver lining. It will soon grow in size from a line to a mushrooming silver patch and soon the skies will be bright again.