The sun rises and sets, tides rise and fall, stock markets fluctuate, seasons come and go, even relationships change. There is no constant in our world – so why should anyone be required to be OK all the time?

Our entire life existence is one big variable. Why should we believe that we need to be a steady, constant OK. The world and society impose on us the belief, that – It is NOT OK to NOT be OK. I say it is OK to NOT be OK.

When we are children, how often do you remember hearing the ‘adults’ say – Stop crying, if you were unhappy about something. Social norms require that even if you hurt inside, you are not expected to ‘cry’ or be NOT OK. You are taught to cauterize the hurt, the feelings, and put on a show of being fine. I am not referring here to a hurt which is the result of a catastrophe that may have befallen you – where it is human nature, to grieve and feel sorrow and be NOT OK. My reference is to the intangibles in our life, which only we know and feel; and sometimes, cannot share with others. If you happen to get into such a state – override social norms and give yourself the freedom/permission to feel NOT OK. Reconcile with your feelings and remember that very often, from such a deep, down state – the only way out, is UP and UP. Learn from it and recover stronger than before. Stop feeling NOT OK, and questioning yourself and your worth.

As we grow up as teenagers and young adults, our childhood indoctrination stays with us. We go through the difficult times of making friends, raging hormones, finding ourselves, our purpose in life – always with the notion, that we should not express unhappiness or ever feel NOT OK. At such times, do not feel compelled to put on a show that all is fine and “I am OK”. My guidance would be – it is fine to question yourself and not be OK, at times. Find your best friend, or rather – make sure your parents are your best friends – and go and unburden on them. Sharing with others, very often is the best way to lessen the load of feeling NOT OK. Since being NOT OK is a given, at some point(s) in your life – be OK with it and learn to manage the condition. Unfortunately, we hear time and again of unfortunate incidents of young people who cannot handle such dire situations and decide to succumb, versus deal with it. One of life lessons for children must be – “It is OK to NOT be OK”

We progress to adulthood and as we mature with age – most of us do realize with life experiences, that things do go south more often, than not. Over time we build protective layers over our true feelings. We get better at concealing the NOT OK images which may be internally haunting us, and ‘learn’ to survive and even thrive at times – while at immense internal turmoil. This may be a coping mechanism, but the underlying problem/condition remains. Learn to recognize when you are headed to the “I am NOT OK” state, and pro-actively handle it. Take a mental health day at work, as required. Deal with whatever is causing your “NOT OK” condition. Feel OK that it is normal to go through such cycles of high and low. Tell yourself “It is OK to NOT be OK”. Give yourself time to heal and get back onto the rhythm of your life. As I had written in a previous blog listing, looking at The Bigger Picture often helps in getting clarity and eliminating the root cause..

Of course, if someone is locked in the “I’m NOT OK” Transactional Analysis state – then intervention is required and the person needs help. The NOT OK state is perfectly fine as a transitional state, which most of us will move in and out of – in our lifetime. It becomes a problem for you and your near and dear ones – if “I’m NOT OK” becomes your new normal – and self-pity, your new mantra. This is clearly the only condition that I would exclude from the theme of this article. Society and work preach the WE vs ME message. When dealing with your feelings and “I’m NOT OK” conditions – ME must always trump the WE. You must worry about your self-healing first and disregard how the rest of the world may see you and interpret. Your true friends and Key Relationships will always be there for you.