Look at yourself closely in the mirror next time. WHAT DO YOU SEE? If you stare hard enough, you will see multiple persons looking back at you. One, you will instantly recognize as probably yourself; while others are glimpses of your various persona, as you live your life.

I am not saying that we all have multiple personality disorders. We clearly have 2 dominant personalities – and we transition between these 2 multiple times during our waking hours. Broadly they border around our Work and Home lifestyles. They are our Work YOU and our Home YOU. They are not binary/distinct and do morph around, and most of us may not even be aware of the transitions.

Your true YOU is who you are in your non-work or Home lifestyle – the Home YOU. Your core personality and your value system are what make you, who you are. Of course a strong Home YOU will percolate all aspects of your Work You, and impact your professional career both positively and negatively. I am aware of instances where there are value conflicts between the intrinsic Home YOU and the demands of the Work YOU – and folks have even chosen to look for new workspaces vs compromising their principal Home YOU values.

From early childhood, we are taught to respect and fear authority. We grow up around parents, uncles/aunts, teachers, coaches, and elder siblings – and are indoctrinated to look up to these parent figures, and never challenge them. This is perfectly fine, in our early years, to provide us with guard rails as we grow up and create a strong Home YOU person. This preps us to deal with the trials of teenage and adulthood years. Unfortunately, for the vast majority, this behavior cannot be cast aside like winter clothing, as seasons change. We bring this learning into our workspace and subconsciously treat our superiors similarly. This is fine as long as the respect is for the person, their experience, and not just their title.

If you are in any authority role – Manager, Director, VP, CEO/CTO, Teacher/Professor, Principal, Govt. official, etc.; remember that the majority of your direct and indirect reports are basically exhibiting a ‘learned behavior’. The majority of the folks treat the Work YOU and your titled position with reverence and probably have no idea of your Home YOU. In their book, you are an authority/parent figure and must be respected and listened to. There are exceptions to everything. I have worked for some very good (bordering on great) next-level Managers who had mastered leadership skills, to morph their Work and Home YOUs – reflecting strong characteristics of servant leadership and mutual respect. In such cases, the respect they get is for the ‘person’ behind their ‘title’. It is such exceptions that bring into focus the vast number of real-life cases where the Manager or, ‘titled person’ cannot see that it is their title that their reports are responding to, and not their true selves as a person. Managers need their teams to be successful and the team members need a good rapport with their Manager for personal success and growth. There is a dependency, which cannot be ignored and is an intrinsic part of an effective team.

When/If you are in a ‘titled’ position, first and foremost – DO NOT FEEL ENTITLED. Take steps to ensure that you are also practicing strong leadership skills, displaying empathy, and ensuring your next level grows with you. You do not want to be so preoccupied with the aura of your title, that you disregard the needs of the people/team you are responsible for. Remember that a crown/title does not make one a king/queen. It bestows on you the responsibility of your team – to lead and guide them. You do not own your team. Rather, your success depends upon your team. You need them more than they need you. They can move to a different team or to another organization if they feel they have to make value compromises in dealing with you. For long-term success as an effective ‘titled person’ – you will need to make a conscious effort to look into the mirror every morning.

It is important to understand that your ‘title’ is transitory. It is bestowed upon you by your superiors, as you may be the best person at that time, for a given task. Your title is not cast in stone, as it changes when you move around from job to job. Your Work YOU is the persona you have developed to work with teams, and pretty much migrates with you, as you move around.

This will become clear, once you – the titled person – either move to a different role or a different job in another company. Your prior team no longer needs you as you were just a “title” for them – your Work YOU. Of course, you may have developed closer ties with some of them, as they have connected with the Home YOU. Your effectiveness in being a true leader for your prior team can be gauged by “how many” of your past team members still maintain contact and connect with you as a person. A good leader will ALWAYS remain a good person.

My aim in scribing these thoughts is to spell out what I have experienced (unfortunately a few times) with Managers, for whom their Title was more important than managing their teams effectively. I am hoping that some of you, after reading this, may decide to take a close hard look in the mirror next time. Look for your Home YOUs and Work YOUs – and see if any changes need to be made by you, to become a more effective leader.