My answer is sometimes YES, but most of the time NO.

Teaching from our childhood days has universally been – “Don’t be selfish; think of others before yourself”. This is a very important value we internalize as we grow, and it governs/controls our actions and manifests as a positive personality behavior.

All through our growth phase and even into adulthood we carry this cardinal rule as a heavy anchor, never to be compromised. Ingrained in us is – being selfish is universally wrong and one should never just think of oneself first.

I would rather re-phrase the value-teaching as – “Don’t be selfish; think of others also, and not just yourself” Or to coin a new phrase, practice caring selfishness. At the same time, remember always that, YOU come first, before everyone else. You owe your happiness to yourself and not to others around you. But, “thinking only of oneself” should never be at the cost of others – be they siblings, friends, work colleagues; or for anyone else, for that matter. As long as your happiness/comfort/gain etc. has not directly deprived someone else of it, all is well. Never ever, rise up by pushing others around you down. In such a case, oftentimes your relative position may be elevated, but absolute change in position may be marginal. Everyone around you can see what you are doing and it will be detrimental to you, in the long run.

Before any airline flight takes off, you are advised that when the oxygen masks appear, put it on YOURSELF first, before helping other infants or seniors. This is classic caring selfishness, as it also ensures that you will be able to help others, once you have already taken care of yourself.

Why do I say, sometimes it is OK to be selfish? My examples are all based on being selfish in a caring way. Benefit yourself without depriving anyone. In our day-to-day existence, all of us practice caring selfishness (which is OK) – as we take care of ourselves, and our families, protect and provide for our kids as they grow up, create our wealth nest egg etc. All this time, we are thinking of ourselves and our near/dear ones, not at the cost of anyone else. Everyone around us is also doing similar things for themselves – and co-existing peacefully. There are other phrases and learnings we also hear as we grow up – “Charity begins at home” and sometimes we hear “To each his own, OR, Everyone for themselves” These are clear examples that in specific situations – it is OK to be selfish, and think of oneself first.

Around us, we see glaring examples of vile selfishness. Some businesses (including established leaders), politicians, professionals, con persons, etc., indulge in blatant greedy behavior for their own benefit, with total disregard for any negative impacts on the rest of us. Often this behavior is knowingly done at the cost of others – exemplifying selfishness at its peak. Just because they are indulging in bad behavior, does not give anyone permission to follow suit. Remember two wrongs do not make a right.

When at a decision crossroads on any action that may be deemed to be selfish – apply your core values and rely on your gut. It is OK to be caringly selfish and personally benefit, without impacting anyone else. If everyone decides to be caringly selfish – we can eliminate this negative behavior – And the world will be a better place for all of us.