Remember, Forgiving and Forgetting (whatever needed forgiveness) are 2 different things.

Have you ever said (or thought about) the following statement – “I can never forgive someone for something they did that resulted in harrowing, everlasting memories?”

Let us look at this from 2 perspectives. (1) There are some people/things you can forgive, possibly forget, and move on, and (2) There are others that you can never ever forgive. For the former (1), you may forgive, but in all cases may never forget, as the hurt was deep. For the latter (2), forgiveness is never an option due to the nature of the hurt; so the question of forgetting never even arises. Forgetting means the underlying hurt is over.  

Unlike physical hurt, emotional hurt is deep and hidden away inside you. Only you know what you feel. Cover-up veneer may hide this from others, BUT not from you. Others around can see and empathize with you on your physical hurt. Your emotional hurt is alive and yours alone to relive and remember. So, ensure that you address this as it will not disappear, like the early morning fog.

I remember reading this somewhere (cannot identify the source; so not my words)

QUOTE:

“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

UNQUOTE

For the ‘latter case’, forget the hurt completely and move on, as you do not plan the forgiveness phase. Free yourself from carrying that hurt all your life. I understand, this is easier said than done. You have to pull yourself together. Instead of carrying this as a nagging, heavy memory baggage, it may be easier to forget such incidents without forgiveness, and move on with your life, restoring your peace as if nothing happened.

Refer to a prior listing of mine – Relationships (Nov 2016). In that, I talk about the following:

“Over time, we all develop multiple human relationships which fall into 3 broad categories – key, routine, and don’t care. 

  • Key Relationships == Important to you, and you are fully invested in them
  • Routine Relationships == Just regular acquaintances, partial investment
  • Don’t care non-Relationships == You are not invested in these relationships

Key relationships involve family, close friends, etc.; every attempt must be made to Forgive and Forget (may be over time) and move on, for the sake of your valued relationships. Refer to another prior listing of mine – KNOTS: Never Cut what you can Untie, (Nov 2024) for additional details

Routine relationships involve work colleagues, distant cousins, friends of friends, etc., it is your call, how you decide to handle (1) and (2) as defined above, due to your minimal investment.

Don’t care non-relationships involve non-contact neighbors, postman, gym colleagues, distant acquaintances, etc., I personally am not affected by them if they hurt my feelings in any way, as I have no interest in any significant relationships with them.

So, as you go through your forgiving/forgetting phase, remember the category of “relationship” the individual falls into as you decide your next steps. Forgive and forget whatever you want to, and just forget/erase completely what you have no plans to forgive.

You are at the controls, and do not let others decide how you need to feel.