Most of us are wired with a strong desire to be LIKED since our childhood. This includes being liked by our parents, teachers, friends, coaches, work colleagues – just about everyone who touches our lives. To some extent, this is to prevent “being left out or being all alone”

What we tend to forget is that charity begins at home. You must first like yourself unconditionally, as you are, before you can expect others around you to like you. You are who you are, and what you make yourself to be.

This reminds me of a prior listing of mine – Relationships (Nov 2016), where I talk about the following:

“Over time, we all develop multiple human relationships which fall into 3 broad categories – key, routine, and don’t care”. 

  1. Key Relationships == Important to you, and you are fully invested in them
  2. Routine Relationships == Just regular acquaintances, partial investment
  3. Don’t care non-Relationships == You have zero investments in these non-relationships

Which brings me to my primary question – Do YOU care about being LIKED? I would answer this as YES and NO. For #1 above, my primary circle of close family/friends, the answer=YES. For #3 above, the answer=NO, as I do not care much about them; clearly, I do not care whether they like me or not. For #2 above, my answer=MAYBE; a YES for some and NO for others. This would be an individual’s choice on a case-by-case basis. The YES case for #2 is where you would like such relationships to over time evolve to #1

Let us distinguish between being ‘liked’ and being ‘respected’. I personally would prefer to be respected rather than liked. Being respected requires a deeper understanding of someone than just liking, which could be superficial. If you like someone, you may not respect them, but if you respect someone, the liking must exist, even as a subliminal feeling.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highest), some of us are closer to a 10, with an intense, existential need to be liked by all around you. Most of us will be around a 6-7, moderately hard-wired, with a need to be liked. There are of course, the fortunate few others who may be closer to a 2-3, for whom this need is generally a dormant need; and does not actively consume them. This probably allows them to be more in control of their feelings, and I would think more productive.

Be aware of where you fit into the 1-10 scale and make an effort to disengage from this need to be liked. The earlier you start ‘not caring’ about it (at least for Categories #2 and #3 above), the happier you will be, and at peace with your surroundings.