We live our daily lives, carrying a backpack filled with assorted personality masks. Depending on the environment, we apply the right mask to fit in. The key word here is “fit in”. The need to be accepted drives this sub-conscious activity. Often times we forget to be ourselves. Our true self is lost in the myriad of faces we expose to others, as we live our lives. I am in no way implying that we all are split/multi-personality individuals. We have accepted this behavior as ‘normal’ and do not question it.

I am not contesting that we do not need some of these masks. As an example, our workplaces (professional lives) may demand a certain decorum, which even if contrary to who we are – we consciously agree to abide by. If there is a drastic need to compromise one’s values in doing this, often, we may look for a different workplace.

As technology and Software tools advanced in the early 1980’s, the concept of WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get) became a standard, and computer screens and presentations started representing professional documents. Unfortunately, as our lives have become more complex and demanding, we humans adopted WYSI(not always)WYG. If most of the time our personal and professional relationships were WYSIWYG – we would significantly simplify our lives. Now as we deal with relationship transactions, we are often questioning and wondering whether we can trust what we see or hear.

Masks may be of different types. Some are required by the environment/situation, while others are put on to protect OR to project a different persona. Again, a lot of times this is not intentional, but a sub-conscious action. There will be situations where one is completely unmasked and comfortable to be oneself – often with family, close friends, and confidantes.

As children, the concept of masks/masking is non-existent. We are always ‘ourselves’ and our behavior and emotions are innocent and unconditional. WYSIWYG cannot get more pristine than this. As we grow up, masks/masking is a ‘learned behavior’ from our parent figures that we internalize and accept without questioning, as the right thing to do. Our ‘free child’ gets conditioned to behave differently under different conditions, often suppressing personal desires and needs, to comply with societal demands.

Masks and masking is a given, and will not go away. My point is that, be aware of them and manage them rather than being managed by them. Minimize and control their usage and always be in charge of when to use them, and when to remove them. Everyone deserves the right to be themselves, look in the mirror, and see themselves as they are.

Let your masks be translucent/semi-transparent vs completely opaque and all-concealing. Your true self (values, beliefs, likes, dislikes, etc.) should filter through your mask – so those around you can always discern who you are. Even under the constraints of your current situational mask, let yourself be visible. This is the best compromise of having your cake and eating it too 😊

In my retirement phase, I have the luxury of thrashing most of my masks and being true to myself, most of the time.