Where there is smoke, there must be a fire. Where there is Anger/smoke, there must be some strong underlying emotion/fire, like Fear, Stress, (cornered, no options) Hurt, (unfair treatment), Pain, Concern, etc., as the root cause of the visible Anger/smoke.

Such causal strong emotions, often negative, are embedded deep within our innermost self. What is externally visible are the effects of suppressing them, often to hide them from the world. Introspection and addressing them may help suppress any sparks of fire, which may result in a smoke of anger. This is what I call “BAD Anger”

There is also the other side of the coin. What I call “GOOD Anger”. The fire for the smoke of Good Anger emanates from passion, strong beliefs, and personal values. What we strongly believe in often drives us to be angry when we observe mis-happenings in the world we live in. The inequality, disparity, and yawning gaps between the haves and the have-nots. The rampant corruption of those in power further exacerbates the differences. This ignites our Good Anger. Channel such feelings and align with other forces who are tirelessly working to make changes in our society to bridge these gaps. You can make a difference.

It does not mean that every time one is angry, hidden emotions are causing it. Anger is very often a natural, normal human response (triggered by our brain’s fight-or-flight survival system), due to some trigger event. Don’t try to suppress it – just ensure that you look within and understand where it is coming from, particularly if it invokes “fight”. Are you angry at someone, or something someone may have done to you? You do not want the anger to consume you and add fuel to a raging fire.

Think of the times when you have observed someone around you get very upset/angry. And the degree of the exhibited Anger, is not proportional to the trigger situation causing it. It is such cases that I am referencing here. When the visible anger triggered by the situation/cause does not measure up to the trigger event – there is more than meets the eye. If this is happening to your friend, you must intervene and help de-escalate the situation.

When one gets into an excessive or unreasonable anger state with someone, the recipient may back off or shut off as they do not want to deal with this. In other cases, the receiver of your anger may be at their own bearable limits, and you may get into a nasty confrontation. Such a situation can never end without both sides being hurt, with more anger/fear, and a cascading lose-lose situation.

I have heard this before – the easiest way to lose an argument/confrontation is to get visibly angry. Remember that when we get angry, we lose our ability to be objective and rational. The fight-or-flight response may take over, suppressing normal reasonable behavior. The person who shouts the loudest is generally, never always, right.

I know it is easier said than done. Be aware of your escalating emotions and walk away from the trigger situation in the heat of the moment. Ensure that your internal ‘smoke detector batteries’ are charged so that you hear the warning beeps in your head – and you proactively rein in your emotions.

Remember that anger-filled spoken words – like the genie that cannot be put back in the bottle- will always remain out there. And possibly, ruin forever important relationships with friends, family, personal, and work professionals.

In closing, harness your Good Anger and manage your Bad Anger – and the world will be a brighter place for you.